I always look forward to attending a St Mary’s woman’s breakfast. The latest breakfast talk on dementia, presented by Karen Martin, was of particular interest to me. Firstly, it was so lovely to see Karen again after her move to the Cotswolds and to watch in awe at her presentation skills (no surprise there though).
I had just finished reading Karen’s book, the story of a very special friendship between Karen and Kathleen and her journey with dementia. This is very relevant to me; my mother, who will be 90 in December, has been showing signs of dementia for a couple of years and daily life is getting harder for her now. Karen’s book ‘Memorable Loss’ has been an insight into the sadness of the disease and the support that will be needed in the possible near future. I found the book incredibly moving and was surprised how very emotional I became reading it.
During the women’s breakfast Karen shared practical tips on how to support someone with dementia. I always thought I was kind and understanding when spending time with my mum however I now see her struggle with dementia with fresh eyes. That afternoon I visited my mum and I remembered some of Karen’s words of wisdom. Such as not reminding my mum where things normally go to prevent her feeling any sadder or stupid when she can’t remember things. Although it can be frustrating hearing the same sentence repeated numerous times in a short conversation, to remember that this isn’t a sign of lack of intelligence but just my mum remembering the last 30 seconds and wanting to be a part of the conversation. Trying to be patient and compassionate over these frustrating moments. Going back in time helps people with dementia to regain a sense of who they are, so looking at photos helps them feel a sense of worth. These were just a few pieces of the sound and practical advice we received during the talk. Most importantly those of us supporting a friend or loved one with the disease will need practical and emotional support, as we can’t do this alone. We need God to listen to our hearts and prayers so we can continue to love those who need us.