A highly sensitive person’s guide to church

A couple of years ago, I came across the concept of a highly sensitive person (HSP). Coined by Elaine Aron, it describes someone who has an increased sensitivity to external and internal stimuli, who often has a deeper processing of information, and may experience emotions more intensely than others. Such individuals lean towards strengths like empathy and intuition, and experience challenges such as over-stimulation and social anxiety.

It falls in the category of a personality trait (rather than disorder) and whether through nature, nurture, or both, I am highly sensitive. Being an HSP probably affects 15-20% of the population, shaping how we respond to a whole range of relationships and experiences in life. And for those who are Christians, it is likely to influence how we experience relationship with Christ and his people.

So whilst I can only draw on my own story and would never claim to speak for others’ experience, I thought it might be helpful to pull together some brief reflections on the experience of being an HSP, and how the Lord might minister to us.

  1. HSPs may have more sensitive consciences, for example about our own sin. We can thank God for this tenderness as a gift to draw us to the cross where the blood of the Lamb covers ALL sin. “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1) and we need to bathe regularly in the truth of God’s word so that it shapes and refines our consciences.
  2. HSPs may find evangelism harder or feel opposition more acutely if we are attuned to the responses of others. However, our natural empathy can be used by the Lord to more effectively speak the gospel into their needs and concerns. And if the opinion of others looms large in our minds, we can grow in courage by meditating on the only audience that really matters: The LORD is on my side; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? (Psalm 118:6)
  3. HSPs may find church and relationships more intense and (for me at least) feel more easily anxious / slighted / left out / hurt / disappointed (delete as appropriate). We can however thank God for intuition that is of great value in helping us minister well to others. And by bringing our more negative feelings to a gentle Saviour who does not despise our weakness but gives mercy and grace in time of need (Hebrews 4:16), we might know peace and security that is not dependent on others’ assessment (perceived or otherwise) of us.
  4. HSPs may be more liable to over-commitment and burnout because of a desire to not to disappoint (or withdraw prematurely for fear of this becoming the case). The Lord loves a cheerful giver however, rather than one acting under compulsion. And this flows from understanding God’s joy, cheerfulness and generosity towards us. Meditating on these aspects of his character might just help move us from pleasing others to pleasing him.
  5. HSPs may find themselves riding a rather intense rollercoaster of emotions – high highs and low lows. Expressions of emotion can really bless a church and serve others. We are encouraged to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). Yet Christ also teaches us to bring all that we are under his Lordship, which might mean spending a little less time focusing on our strong emotions (introspection) and a little more time looking outside ourselves (extraspection) to the Lord’s character and his work in the world.

Finally, it is a wonderful thing to be part of the gloriously diverse body of Christ, each member belonging to all the others (Romans 12:5). Danielle Bernice writes that “just like a fingertip is more sensitive than the nail on the other side, both are important to the body in the role they are assigned to. Just consider what you can use your fingers with all their senses for…At the same time, the insensitive fingernail protects the finger, gives it sturdiness, and enables you to scratch and hold things firmly”.

Some of us are sensitive and some of us not, but we need each other and we are more effective when we work together. As a highly sensitive person, I have valued the wise counsel of those who love the Lord but do not necessarily see things as I do. This doesn’t have to mean a lack of validation, but a God-given opportunity to help each other as we grow into our loving head, that is Christ (Ephesians 4:15).

May we all find our worth and identity in the one who gave up all things for our eternal joy, and grow in our appreciation of our glorious diversity and unity in him.