Book Review: ‘What do I say when….?’

Andrew and Christian Walker get it. They get that parenting children so that they make good ethical decisions in a world that morally seems to have lost the plot, is hard! They get that parents are time poor, and even if they wanted to would struggle to read all the books they need to keep up with our ever-changing world. They get that kids are asking ever harder questions that need to be answered… and they have written a book to help!

‘What do I say when…? A Parents’ Guide to Navigating Cultural Chaos for Children and Teens’ is a battle cry and a resource written by a couple in the midst of all the parenting dramas you are in. It is a battle cry because Andrew and Christian believe that if parents are not discipling their children, then they can be sure that secular classrooms, peer groups and ever-present social media will be (p2). They encourage parents to take hold of their God given responsibly and “embrace the awkwardness and run toward the battle being waged for your child’s heart” (p149).

But this book is so much more than just a battle cry. It also gives parents the tools they need to have important conversations about a whole range of ethical issues.

Andrew and Christian have authored a book that provides introductory essays to ten different ethical topics; human dignity, abortion, sexuality, gender, homosexuality, identity, transgenderism, technology, political engagement and hostility & persecution. The short, snappy, yet theologically insightful nature of each chapter is certainly one of the book’s strengths. I am dyslexic and each one probably took me 20/30 mins to read. So, hopefully it is achievable for a busy parent.

Thankfully, Andrew and Christian Walker are exactly the right people to write this sort of book. Firstly, they are parents themselves. Secondly, they have wisdom to share. Andrew teaches ethics at university, and has written on a whole range of topics. Christian is a primary school teacher and busy mother.

My favorite thing about ‘What do I say when…’ is how Andrew and Christian help parents not only provide answers to tough questions, but they also give parents questions that could spark good conversations. At the end of each chapter Andrew and Christian give numerous discussion questions suitable for different age groups to help parents engage young hearts with glorious truth.

Like everything in life this book is not perfect. Its great strength is also at times a weakness. It is brief, and sometimes too brief for my liking. In their chapter on gender Andrew and Christian state, “misogyny, feminism, and androgyny are against God’s created order” (p53). Now if you read their work charitably then within the text their definition of feminism is indeed against God’s created order, however they do not address the fact that feminism is a term that has many definitions and personally I do not think all of them are against scripture. It seems that because the chapter is so short and snappy, there is no place for nuance. Also, within their chapter on homosexuality they discourage people from claiming an identity at odds with scripture (p67). But they do not go into enough detail to describe what that means. Does that mean that a Christian should not even admit that they have same-sex attractions? Their words could be read like that, and the only reason I do not read them like that is because they go on to encourage people to read Sam Allberry’s book ‘Is God anti-gay?’ where that thinking is not encouraged.

In Andrew and Christian’s defence they are aware that this book is too brief to be the only resource that parents need. In each chapter they provide a list of recommended resources to help parents think more about each topic.

Overall, this book is great, and I have already recommended that parents buy it and read it. It does exactly what it says on the tin and provides theological introductions to difficult topics, questions to help you engage your child, and resources to further your thinking. Yes, it is a bit brief at times, but that is ok because I imagine a book that gives short, snappy, theologically rich content on today’s big ethical questions, is exactly what a busy Christian parent needs.